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WEEK 1:
ATTENDING
 What is an ‘attend’?
An attend is
when a parent notices what the
child does without questioning or criticising.
Much play
between adults and children tends to
take the form of questions. The art
of attending is to avoid asking
questions but make comments on the
simple activities the child is
doing. It is following their lead
rather than directing their play. It
enables the parent to get into the
world of the child rather than
attempt to make the child conform to
the expectations of the adult.
The idea sounds
and is simple however since we are
probably used to talking in the form
of questions it can be difficult at
first to think of new ways to say
things. Here are some suggestions.
Examples of
attending conversation
‘Your
stacking the blocks high’
‘Your
putting the yellow block on top
of the blue block’
‘Now your
driving the truck’
‘Your
turning the truck around in a
circle’
‘You are
colouring the sky blue ‘
‘Your
lining up all the toys’
‘Your
putting the ball next to the
bucket’
How to
practice attending
-
Set aside a
ten minute period preferably
every day.
-
Sit on
floor with child with a number
of toys.
-
During this
time simply describe his good
behaviour , If he behaves badly
then try to ignore this. Another
way of attending is to imitate
what he is doing.
Don’t
-
Issue any
instructions
-
Ask any
questions
Do
-
Describe
your child’s appropriate
behaviour
-
Imitate
-
Tape record
or get someone to watch you
-
Evaluate
what you have done
-
Reward
yourself - you deserve it
WEEK 2:
REWARDS
There are different types of rewards
that you can give. They are not
necessarily any better than each
other and all can be used at the
right time.
Social rewards
Verbal
: praising his desirable behaviour
e.g. ‘I like it
when you come to dinner when you
call’
‘Thank you for
picking up your blocks’
‘I thought you
did a great job tidying up your
room’
Physical:
contact e.g. a
pat on back following his desirable
behaviour
Activities:
doing activities selected by him
following his desirable behaviour
Non social
rewards
(always combine with praise) ; Toys
or treats following his desirable
behaviour OR STAR CHART.
It is important
to use rewards at the right time to
avoid confusion as to why he is
being rewarded. You should avoid
rewarding behaviour that you do not
want, this can some times happen
particularly when you give in to his
demands.
Effective use of rewards
-
Use
immediately after the behaviour
you want to increase
-
Initially
reward the behaviour every time
it occurs
-
Reward
only behaviours you want to
increase.
Tips
Focus
on the positive
Focus
on obedience not defiance
‘Why are you so disobedient’ =
8
‘You put your shoes on so
quickly when asked’ = 4
Focus
on appropriate behaviour
‘I
wish you would stop running
through the aisles of the
supermarket’ =
8
‘I
am pleased you stayed by my side
for almost the whole time we
were in the store’ = 4
Focus
on co-operation not on tantrums
‘Your crying every time I ask
you to get out of the bath, is
driving me crazy’ =
8
‘Thank you for getting out of
the bath quietly when I told
you.’ = 4
Desirable behaviours and ways to
increase them
Coming
when called
-
Tell him
you want to work on improving
his behaviour when you call him
-
Tell him
exactly what you expect e.g.
When I call you, I expect you to
stop what you are doing and come
-
Praise him
as soon as he comes in response
to your call
-
Praise him
every time
Staying with you in the shop
Put him in
the trolley so he will stay. On
first trip, praise and attend
him every 30 seconds
On the next
few trips let him walk beside
you as you hold his hand praise
and attend him every 30 seconds
On next few
trips lightly rest your hand on
his shoulder. Praise and attend
every 30 seconds
On later
trips let him walk beside you
with no physical contact. Praise
and attend every 30 seconds
Gradually
lengthen the time between your
praise and attending but never
phase them out completely.
Playing
co-operatively with sibling
Make your
expectations clear e.g. I want
you to play together without
arguing or fighting
Monitor
closely the play between the two
children
Praise
appropriate play.
WEEK 3: IGNORING
Ignoring can be a useful way of
indicating that you do not want him
to do certain things. It can avoid
getting into an argument about why
he is doing it and clearly shows
that you are not pleased. Ignoring
involves:
-
No physical
contact
-
No verbal
contact
-
No eye
contact
What can be
ignored
Demanding
you do something you don't want
Crying for
attention
Tantrums
Screaming
Pouting
Showing off
Arguing
Acting
irritable .
Basic
principles
-
Select a
behaviour that can be ignored
-
Remove all
of your attention from the
behaviour when it occurs
-
Once
started don't stop until good
behaviour starts, stop ignoring
immediately when the good
behaviour starts
-
Expect the
behaviour to occur more often
before it reduces
-
Reward and
attend appropriate
behaviour
Guidelines for practice sessions
Do Not
-
Issue any
instructions
-
Ask any
questions
Do
Attend to
appropriate behaviour
Imitate his
play
Verbally
reward his appropriate behaviour
by praising him and labelling
the desired behaviour (e.g.
"Thank you for picking up your
toys!")
Ignore
inappropriate behaviour
Tape record
or be observed
Evaluate
what you have done
Reward
yourself
WEEK
4:
GIVING DIRECTIONS
Ineffective directions
Chain direction
- involves more than one step. - he
may not remember what they all are.
Vague direction
- unclear e.g. "be good" - may be
different for different situations
Question
direction
- which allows the option of saying
"no"
Direction
followed by a reason
- This may distract him from
complying if you want to give a
reason keep it short and give it
before the instruction
Which
are the right sort of directions?
-
‘Hand me
the red block’
-
‘Why don't
we play the card game now’
-
‘Please be
careful’
-
‘Please sit
beside me’
-
‘Put the
red block here then put the
green block over there’
-
‘You really
need to be good when we play
together’
-
‘Because I
want you to build a high tower,
put the red block on top of the
blue block’
-
‘Put the
red block on top of the blue
block because I want you to
build a high tower’
-
‘Would you
like to clean up now?’
-
‘Please
clean up, put your coat on and
go outside.’
(Answers 1,4 and 7 are effective. 2
and 9 are questions. 3 and 6 are
vague. 5 and 10 are chain
directions. 8 is a direction
followed by a reason.)
Principles of giving directions
-
Get his
attention and make eye contact
-
Use a firm
but not loud or gruff voice
-
Give a
direction that is specific and
simple
-
Use
physical gestures when
appropriate such as pointing to
the toys
-
Use "do"
directions rather than "don't"
directions
-
Reward
compliance
-
Think
before you give a direction and
make sure you are prepared to
gain compliance regardless of
the amount of time, energy or
effort required.
WEEK 5: TIME OUT
Choose a location
Best options
Hallway
Parents bedroom
Kitchen corner( for 2-3 year olds)
Least desirable
Child's bedroom
Not
options
Bathroom
Cupboard
Dark
room
Anywhere frightening
Procedure
-
Issue a
good direction
-
If he does
not begin to comply within 5
seconds issue a warning, " If
you do not ................, you
will have to take time out"
-
If he does
not comply within 5 seconds
state, " because you did not
..............., you have to
take time out"
-
Lead him to
time out without lecturing
scolding or arguing
-
Ignore
shouting protesting and
promising to comply
-
Tell him to
sit in the time out chair
-
When he is
sitting quietly, set the timer
for time (i.e. 1 minute for
every year of age up to a
maximum of 5 minutes)
-
When his
time is over, including being
quiet for the last thirty
seconds return to the chair and
say that time out is over
-
Restate the
original direction
-
Implement
the time out again if he does
not comply
-
When he
complies, praise him
Steps to using Time Out
-
Select time
out place
-
Memorise
the steps
-
Practice
without the child
-
Tell him
about time out for non
compliance
-
Begin to
use time out for failure to
comply with directions
-
Begin using
time out for other problem
behaviours in the home
-
Begin using
time out for other problems in
public places
Tips
-
Avoid
giving lengthy explanations
about why you are using time
out.
-
Avoid
trying to make him feel guilty
or getting an apology - you are
aiming to get them to do what
you wanted.
-
Don't feel
guilty
-
Don't let
them make you feel guilty even
if they say they are going to
comply before they get to the
chair. To stop it before it is
completed will give the message
that - "I don’t have to comply
until I have been warned and
until I have been sent to time
out"
-
The message
you want them to get is - "I
should comply when I am asked to
do something"
Problems and solutions
-
Refusing to
sit in the chair - do not start
time out until he is seated.
-
Leaving
chair or moving - stop the
timer.
-
Place him
in chair tell him to sit stay
and place your hand on his leg.
-
Remove a
privilege if he does not return
to the chair (for 5 year olds
and up).
-
Insulting
you verbally - ignore the
results
-
Yelling and
crying - ignore
-
Refusing to
leave the time out - start the
time out again
-
Sibling
interaction during time out -
put the sibling in time out in
another location
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