As a society we have evolved beyond absolutes and that
is great, but it doesn't make the job any easier.
It is as if we have become clear on what we are not sure
of and confused by what we are certain about. Truancy is
something that was easier to deal with in our parent's
day. Consequences for what the dictionary calls 'the act
or condition of being absent without permission' were
well understood. A good lashing helped clear up any doubt as to
the relevant authorities' feelings on the subject. Now,
for better or worse, corporal punishment is out. And,
lets face it, it was pretty primitive, but how
delightfully unambiguous. The dichotomy of crime and
punishment regarding our teens has now assumed a more
nuanced relationship. Once again, the more we know about
the implications of acts of disobedience -- emotional,
symptomatic and psychological -- the murkier it gets.
Because it is no longer acceptable to beat sense into
errant teens, even the notoriously delinquent ones that
defiantly thumb their noses at the educational system,
we are forced to look at the action of truancy more
closely. And what we see is what we see when we look at
the causes of all aberrant behavior in these teenage
barometers of society.
What we see is, more often than not, a symptom of
something needing attention. That's the thing about
parenting. There is just no substitute for attention,
not the best schools, not a great set of wheels, not
satisfying every material need. Severe discipline is
seldom successful either. It seems that truancy - like
smoking, drinking, drug taking - is a cry for help. The
U.S. Department of Education states in its Manual to
Combat Truancy that truancy "is the first sign of
trouble; the first indicator that a young person is
giving up and losing his or her way". The manual,
published in conjunction with the U.S. Department of
Justice, hits the nail right on the head.
When your child decides to skip school, not just once,
but chronically, this normally means that society, the
custodian of the child, is somehow not serving this one
individual. Truancy can be broadly divided into two
categories: those teens that skip off school once in a
blue moon and those that are away from school more often
than they are there. Truancy is often a standard
response to trouble at home. The disintegration
witnessed by the child in his or her domestic
environment ripples out to include absenting oneself
from the very thing that provides a bona fide escape
from an otherwise hopeless situation. Few teens who are
truants are sociopaths that simply do not care.
Statistics show that the percentage of these kids is
less than 2%. The rest of the apparent troublemakers are
living breathing symptoms of something profoundly awry.
Some experts cite bullying at school as a significant
cause of truancy. Here the desire to escape ongoing
exposure to torture causes the victims to take the
matter into their own hands. When you scratch the
surface of many incidents of truancy in teens you come
up with actions that are sometimes appropriate or at
least understandable responses to inappropriate
circumstances. Because chronic truancy is potentially
the beginning of a profound disjunct with society as a
whole, it must be treated as serious. Because it is
rarely purely plain antisocial, taking it seriously
means opening communication, not shutting it down with
threats and punishments. Communication needs to be your
first response. Before you bring the school into the
picture you need to do some serious emotional detective
work. Your teen is probably not going to volunteer
information. By this time the child is probably hiding
away somewhere within him or herself. You will have to
practice patience and perseverance if you want to get to
the root of the real issue.
If you as a parent become impatient and cease
communication know that the consequences of this kind of
societal sidelining often results in a long unhappy life
lived outside of the comforts of community and a sense
of worth. How you deal with the situation is crucial. If
your child is unable to speak to you don't be
discouraged. In fact don't give up, no matter what.
Engage a good therapist. Your teen may find it easier to
open up to a stranger. This is not necessarily a
reflection on you or your relationship but a quite
common circumstance, so don't be put off. Ideally you
and your child should have formed a united front when
consulting with the school about damage control.
Your teen's natural ally should be the parent. Be firm
but be approachable and always stand by him or her.
Never ever lose sight of the inherent goodness in your
child. This is real faith and it is catchy. It is never
too late to repair chasms in your relationship with your
child. When at a loss, chose loving and leave judgment
to the legal institutions.
Gail Walter ,
Boulder, Colorado, from parentingteens.
Parenting teenagers
Other
articles in this series
How to keep kids safe
online
Parenting Teenagers
Helping teens succeed academically
Home Schooling Teens
Drugs in
Schools
Dealing with falling
marks
Truancy in Teenagers
Bullying in schools
